Stupid-drunk-inbred-three-wheeled-asshole….

He literally wanted to kill Me and Big Baby…..

Took the Monday off to finally transfer Big Baby to my name, and rode the Volty throughout the day to do the transfer at the DMT, to get the third party insurance and finally had to get the emission test done. Took Big Baby out and decided to keep things on the safe side and ride at a decent and safe speed in order to avoid unfortunate eventualities.

But fate is a bitch….I had literally transferred big baby to my name a couple of hours ago….It was a hot day and I needed something to drink, so got a few bottles of soft drinks form the food city near Amba Gaha junction. After a couple of sips in the FC parking area I got back on Big Baby and was waiting to put her on to the road towards the junction. Spotted a gap between a truck and a three-wheeler and decided to slot in. Little did I know that the three-wheeler was being driven by a Motherless-Fuck…

Angry that his Assholeness was cutoff, he decided to whack the side of my leg with his little piece of shit-box, which fortunately didn't make me lose my balance while we both were taking the bend… I asked him ‘pissu dha?’…. and then took off over taking the truck in front….. Approaching a slight bend in the road ahead I decided t keep to my earlier resolution to make this ride as safe as possible and slow down again…. Stupid resolution….

That waste of space that was driving that shit-box three-wheeler pulls up on my left and turns full on into me…..knocking Big Baby down and throwing me off her and on to the road chest first….

My world turned upside down and inside out….I recover and start running after the bastard, only one shoe on and limping…didn't think he’d stop but he did….reached him and snapped a picture of his license plate while him and his inbred progeny blabbered bullshit into the air…. He was drunk too…

I could have had him sent to jail……..

I could have ruined his life……

I could have made it so he would have regretted that day for the rest of his shitty fucking life……

I didn't….

The officer in charge at the police station reamed him for 10 minutes.....the only satisfaction I took from the whole ordeal...

This is the last I will think of him….

But I can’t get the image of Big Baby crumbling into pieces in front of my eyes as the ground falls away from underneath me….

“The Mechanic” got her started at least yesterday….and she still sounds the same, through bent forks, ripped headlight and holder…. dented and scratched tank….Her Soul is still there….I rode her and she still responds the way she used to…. But everything is misaligned, cracked, scraped….The perfection that she was will never be again I fear.....

I’m praying for a miracle……..

Picture of the Asshole of the Century (flip this jealous fool the bird if you see him)....... as requested by Jack Point ....

IT’s GON’ RAIN!

Monsoon season in Sri Lanka is a pain in the ass for riders. Mostly since Sri Lanka is lucky enough to have not one but TWO monsoons, which pretty much cover a major part of the year, with a couple of month long breaks in between them; ‘The northeast monsoon (December to March), and the southwest monsoon (June to October)’ according to Wikipedia.

Having decided to ride to work instead of drive, with a good 30 minutes less taken to get to work on the motorcycle compared to the car which gets stuck in traffic, the start of one of the rainy seasons means it’s a gamble every time you leave to or from work. Getting caught to a light drizzle the other day on the way back from work was the deciding factor for wearing a jacket, which I didn't do earlier due the tropical heat that IS Sri Lanka. But of course now not wearing a jacket is not an option.

And this weather also means extra TLC for the Volty and Big Baby, lubing chain etc.. more often. Just got the Volty chain cleaned and re-lubed after a little DIY disaster where I ended up putting some high end sticky lube meant for Big Baby. The chain suffered for a week with noise and loss of power before I got “The Mechanic” (await a future post on “The Mechanic”) to kerosene bathe the chain and re-lube with oil. It’s wonderful when a DIY attempt works out, but when it goes wrong, forget about it….

Anyway back to the weather; the usual thing you’d do when you get caught to some sudden precipitation while on a ride is to pull into the nearest bit of shade, maybe under the eve of some random shop and wait it out. This is the one time that our four wheel counterpart’s wiz by, pointing and laughing at the poor stranded and wet…

There are of course assortments of raincoats ranging from the silly looking to the functional, with some an added danger of getting it entwined in some other moving traffic and pulling you along with it.

But such is the life of a rider in SL, with rain, sun and vehicle fumes being part and parcel of the freedom of the ride. It’s very difficult to not sound like you are ranting when writing about riding motorcycles in Sri Lanka. I try very hard not to sound like I’m always complaining on my posts, because I actually love riding around our little island. But all the little eccentricities of the Sri Lankan roads, and more importantly of their users, can come off sounding like a bit of a ranting session when put down in writing.

That’s a bit of a vertical slice of wet riding around the streets of Colombo… stay tuned for a post full of praise and admiration of the one and only man I love to call ‘The Mechanic”….

The 25 hour Day….

It has been a busy couple of weeks… Several birthdays (including mine!), The World Cup, an episode of food poisoning, overseas clients coming in to visit at work to mention a few. Let me tell you that this blog isn't the only thing that was ignored.

Big baby actually had cob webs all over her! On top of that the Volty needed a few adjustments after I got new tires for it week before last. Even after the second adjustments it’s still making noise, mainly the chain (properly lubed). Either it wasn't tightened enough the second time or some deeper problem …. Whatever it is the performance of the Volty has taken a hit. 'The Mechanic' is busy these days since he’s rebuilding a 400cc Honda from the ground up.

Rode Big Baby to Negombo for the first time two weeks ago, but didn’t take the scenic canal road (written about in my earlier post) but the airport road instead. They are still resurfacing it so it is a bit annoying to ride on. Also way more traffic than canal road. But Big Baby was a dream to ride as always. And got there 15 minutes earlier than when I did the same route on the Volty. But the riding position is a bit uncomfortable on Big Baby compared to the Volty, especially for long rides, but not much to complain about other than a few cramped biceps, which you can live with.

But back to the reasons why I haven’t been on the blog in a few weeks. There hasn't been enough time in the day; to cook for and feed two dogs, wash and iron office clothes, feed ourselves, get in a few episodes of whatever we are watching these days. There is help from all around to do all those things, but I’m so tired and feel like I haven’t rested in a month.

Of course there was enough time in between for some levity, as can be witnessed below….

My friend posted a picture of his son on FB..

                                                     Soon my son, soon!

My post followed...

                                                Soon my puppy, soon!

(For anyone in Canberra they are selling that Kawasaki Z750!)

But of course these are all excuses, and just having turned 30 it sounds more ridiculous…. I’m actually loving it being 30 years old. At 30 you aren't old enough to actually feel old, but not young and broke like in your the 20’s. You have a bit of money to have fun, and you are mature enough not to do stupid things but young enough to do them once in a while. It’s awesome!

I can’t Imagine though what it must be like for my friend who has another kid other than the one on the Kawasaki, and he’s only like 26 year old or something! He is a flying instructor though, so I guess he has that! Hehehe…

Well that should be enough for now…. Maybe I should make this a photo blog! XD

Chandiya…..

She is way braver than He was at Her age…She is my little Chandiya. He makes friends easily still at one and a half years; She’s suspicious and barks at strangers already at three and three quarter months. She is very loyal, and very protective of the pack. She likes to boss Him around. Good luck Kuku Boy, She’s already got you wrapped around her little paw (a state most of us men in the world can relate to).

She loves her Ammi a lot, but cannot understand why Ammi goes away every night only to return the next evening. Taththi also goes to work, and she thinks every morning he will never come back and is leaving her forever.

She plays the truant with her ol’ Pops and Mamma who look after Her while Taththi works. Messing up the garden, spilling water all over her self and rolling around in the dirt till she looks like a hairy warthog.

But She loves to cuddle, He never did. He used to wait till I called him to me for some scratching under the chin or belly. He feared his Taththi’s wrath. But She needs a lot of cuddling time, and She loves being held, lifted, and all sorts of other cute things throughout which she stays nice and mellow…without getting too excited and ruining the experience for both parties….. I think this is why everyone likes being around Her …

Poor Kukku Boy used to be a ball of energy which annoyed everyone in 3 seconds…Now that He’s older and more mature and disciplined people find his company more pleasant. But He still gets a bit wild/stressed and excited, especially when Chandi Girl is around.

I wanted to get Her used to my motorcycles, to test her courage. First time a few barks, a couple of annoyed whines….Next time a bit of reserved ignoring and distance….Third time I brought Her on it, and started the engine later… She didn’t bat an eyelid.

She loves her Taththi very much….and She is Taththi’s precious little Angel…

Comprehension….

Ok fine….I might have been a bit too hasty with my previous post. She handles extremely well for a big girl. She is such a smooth personality; I have to name her….Big Baby. The gear box is the smoothest thing I have ever clicked back and forth. And the brakes, I believe is a combined braking system, stops on a dime with perfect balance and stability. For an experienced rider she is a dream to handle. I’m not saying I’m a veteran yet, but I’m not green like last year either….

I’m starting to understand why that idiot who I bought it from rode the bike like he stole it….She is just made to leave anything that moves eating her dust….

I can’t believe I even considered buying a crappy Honda Hornet, with its shitty gearbox, and the stigma attached to people who ride hornets in Sri Lanka…with all due respect; we all know Hornets are ridden by stupid-idiot-show-offy squids in SL…(pretty Hypocritical for someone who had considered buying a Hornet a few days before buying Big Baby, I know).

I’m glad I didn’t get the Hornet….Big Baby is the most disciplined and controlled explosion of speed I have yet experienced in my life….and she listens like no other to what you want to do, and she is already there, as soon as you think you want to be there…..

It rained like a mofo the day I brought her home…I got caught to the rain just before the Mabola SL Navy petrol shed on the Colombo/Negombo road….Waited there for the rain to subside and refueled her…Was really worried the whole day about this first ride, since it was fairly long and she being a new motorcycle to me….But everything just fit, and worked so smooth. No conversion training was needed. The whole experience sublime, even the rain!

Love at first sight….nothing can beat that…..await further adventures of Big Baby, Me and Juje (I think I mentioned her as well,  in an earlier post ;) )…

Here's Big Baby, at home in all her glory....

The Beast.....

The newest addition to the stable is ….The Beast. Why such a lame and clichéd name? Because she scared the living daylights out of me yesterday, that’s why! I was stupid enough during the test ride to accept an offer from her previous owner for a show of how she should be ridden. The 5 to 10 second ride that I endured on the back with this maniac at the helm felt like a life time and was so traumatizing that I actually closed my eyes shut…tight….I’m not ashamed to say it. I had a new appreciation for the power that would be in my hands soon, and new respect for her……and zero respect for the idiot who made my life flash before my eyes on the Colombo/Negombo road…

You have to respect the Beast…….Eric Bana knows it….any fool who has rearranged some part of their skeletal structure due to a misbehaving hunk of metal knows you have to respect the Beast…….You control how the chaos is unleashed to some extent, and you have to deal with the repercussions…..

For all the idiots who think they are invincible super men…..I say, 'stupid SQUID'……you not only shorten the length of your stupid life, but put the lives of random innocents in jeopardy as well…

To those who say they aren’t scared….either you are oblivious or just an idiot…..if the Beast doesn’t scare you, then you are already dead……99% of the thrill is the fear…….

It all sounds very cliché, but this is actually what you feel when you experience all that power waiting to pounce from under your legs…..Few people experience it due to their inability to conquer the overwhelming fear……you can’t remove the fear, just manage it long enough so you can have some fun….

And without further ado, here she is…..

The one percent....

I'm thinking I shouldn't make such a big deal about the title of this blog, lest we descend into irrelevant posts about illegal activities. Because of the restrictions imposed on riders with high capacity motorcycles in Sri Lanka at the moment, which I went on about in my last post, many have 400cc or higher capacity motorcycles illegally registered as 250cc. This is not in anyway close to gun running or messing with the law, but what can I say....I'm a big ass fan of Sons of Anarchy, a must watch for any Harley enthusiasts, riders in general interested in that subject matter etc. Hopefully I'll eventually bring this blog around to logging my riding adventures in Sri Lanka....I just wanted to give a reason for why that specific title was chosen for this blog......You can't help but feel like an outlaw simply weaving through traffic and laughing at the fools in cars stuck in bumper to bumper hell....

Anyway, I rode to Pamunugama, a town on the way to Negombo nestled in the cusp of the Negombo Lagoon, through the Old Colombo/Negombo road. The is the road which initially goes along the Hamilton Canal eventually falling on to the road that straddles the coast line. A wonderful ride, and no traffic to speak of. Just you, your bike, and your woman... about 90% of the road is concrete, which can be slippery. But if you are a responsible rider this will not be a major issue. Being so close to the beach line it is a bit disappointing to not actually see the beach, as it is obscured by a constant mound of sand between the road you are on and the water. But this is not such a big issue either since the ride is so much fun...I apologise that I wont be able to post any pictures from this wonderful route on this post, since I was heading to a friend's birthday on Sunday in Pamunugama. But this will be a road I see my self using regularly in the future, since the love of my life is from Negombo and we will travel frequently to see her family there.

There is a lot to see as well, since you will go through Colombo from the Matakuliya/Modera areas with there interesting architectural difference from other parts of Colombo. You take the old bridge out of Colombo and follow the Canal and further on you pass a small fish market and Pelicans and other interesting sea birds greeting you along the way. You eventually stop following the canal and turn on to the beach road which goes all the way to Negombo.

I recommend this to beginners who are still green when it comes to long treks on their bikes, since this route has very low traffic allowing you to enjoy your ride and the scenery without worrying too much about handling your motorcycle through traffic.

And below is a picture of the wonderful exhaust that was fitted on my Volty 250cc when I bought it. The stock funnel like exhaust the Volty usually comes with in my opinion is ugly as hell. The exhaust on my motorcycle is an awesome classic racing exhaust, and the engine note produced by it is something to behold. It gives my Volty a presence that cannot be had with any other exhaust.

That should do for now. I will do another post about the Old Colombo/Negombo road with pictures of the sights and birds along the way. Also planned is a trip to the Air Force museum at Ratmalana Airport, which after refurbishment looks like a very good day spent on my other passion in life, Aviation....

Genesis...

This blog will be a record of my personal experiences in riding around Sri Lanka, beginning with Colombo and Negombo and any further adventures I get up to as the ride goes on...

Sri Lanka isn't exactly motorcycle friendly even though the majority of the population call a motorcycle there personal mode of transportation due to mostly economic reasons. What I mean by this is that the traffic and the uneducated motorists pose a very high risk when riding in Sri Lanka. It can be said you invite danger when you decide to ride a motorcycle, and some may say it's part of the appeal of riding one...also wherever in the rest of the world one rides, it is a dangerous undertaking to be sure.

I'm not complaining, but telling it as I see it...Another issue being the restrictions on registering motorcycles with higher capacities than 250cc...In most countries people would laugh at the restrictions we face here...Supposedly now there are legal ways to register motorcycle's up to 1000cc but involves hefty sums, political connections, clearance from the Ministry of Defence and other such ridiculous things that motorcycle enthusiasts in Sri Lanka are all too familiar with.

I still haven't been able to clearly get an idea of what is involved in getting a motorcycle of 400cc registered legally, which is my planned upgrade from the 250cc I currently ride.....and speaking of current ride, let me introduce her? it? him?...(I haven't bothered to name my motorcycle, even though it being my first will have a very special place in my heart).

I currently ride a Suzuki Volty 250 (2008), since July of 2013. As my first motorcycle it has been the most forgiving instructor. And when you get up there with the throttle it doesn't pull any punches. In short the perfect first motorcycle. Quite a lot of these in Sri Lanka but rare enough that you only see one once in a while. My heart says to keep it even though I plan get another higher capacity motorcycle. But the reality of that would be one of the motorcycles going into disuse and disrepair.

This first post has gone longer than I intended to write. So I will end it for now with a small note on the blog title I have chosen to use. Any fan of motorcycle culture around the world and especially of outlaw motorcycle clubs will know what a One Percenter is. Wikipedia summarises the meaning succinctly as follows,

'Some outlaw motorcycle clubs can be distinguished by a 1% patch worn on the colors. This is claimed to be a reference to a comment made by the American Motorcyclist Association (AMA) in which they stated that 99% of motorcyclists were law-abiding citizens, implying that the last one percent were outlaws.'

I will go into why i chose this phrase as my blog title in more detail another time...and till next time

May your knees, be in the breeze today!